I don’t cry very often. Sometimes I am amazed at this. Years ago, tears flowed easily. They were a
natural part of almost my daily routine. It wasn’t that I was depressed or sad. It was just that tender, beautiful
moments were readily felt, and tears spilled out spontaneously like sighing or laughing. I’m not sure how or why
this aspect of my being stepped aside, but sometimes when tears show up now, I am reminded of their blessing and of the revelations they can bring.
About a month ago, I burst out in tears when a friend (whom I have actually only be in her presence two or three times) gave me a gift. She paid for me to go on retreat for three days. Just like that, she bathed my tiredness, my hold-it-togetherness, and said, “Here is my love and the love of the Beloved. Go, my sister, and find rest.” And she sent me to money to go. It was like a drink of water after many desert days. But the problem was, I needed money to pay my bills, not go on retreat. I needed to pay bills in that moment… not delight in getting away a month down the road. But she had offered me a gift, and I knew that I needed to honor her giving. So, I paid my bills with the money that came, and promised myself and trusted God that I would go on the retreat still… somehow, some way.
I am now home from three rich, soaking days on retreat. The way was made clear, and I still have a nickel in my pocket. But more than that, this experience is teaching me (again) how important it is to follow the tiny threads, to honor the gifts that are here, to trust…to absolutely trust in the power of goodness. The power of goodness. I cannot say that enough. There is power in goodness. And what happens when we begin to trust our own goodness? What happens when we begin to reconnect with the Heavenly Divine that lives in our own bones? My retreat took me here. It silenced the self doubt. It took the tense and stress away that is born of living a life from without rather than a life that swirls from deep within. It held up to me a mirror that revealed my own face that is created in the Image of Love and Goodness.
What do you truly know about yourself? How do you honor your deepest truths? Do you trust yourself and your God enough to live your truths? This is the most wondrous teaching in my life right now. It isn’t necessarily an easy journey, but it is awake and alive and pulsing in color and fragrance. I fall down and I get up over and over and over again because this is the life God yearns for me to live. It is the life God prays for all of us to live… to wander in our souls, to embrace the most tender artistry of our creation, and to bless the world with this being. There is no rushing in this process and one must find time apart from the busy world to shake hands with this. We must cast out fear even as our boats surge below the surface of the sea.
For three days, I roamed the crevices of my soul and was surrounded by kindred doing the same. I wandered the ancient forest. I prayed. I breathed. I listened into my own dreaming, dreaming that echoes the longings of our tired, beautiful world. And I let go and let fall away that which will never be eternal, to find my cheeks wet and my heart clear for my life’s calling.
I cannot tell you how to find your way. I can simply tell you that there is a path and it is windingly found by
taking the next loving step and the next loving step. Hummingbirds sip lavender nectar all along the way, and neither the hummingbirds nor the lavender need be anything more than who they are. Someone once said, “Truth is met by grace.” This is how we are born. This is how we will die. And so, in the meantime, may it also be how we choose to live.
natural part of almost my daily routine. It wasn’t that I was depressed or sad. It was just that tender, beautiful
moments were readily felt, and tears spilled out spontaneously like sighing or laughing. I’m not sure how or why
this aspect of my being stepped aside, but sometimes when tears show up now, I am reminded of their blessing and of the revelations they can bring.
About a month ago, I burst out in tears when a friend (whom I have actually only be in her presence two or three times) gave me a gift. She paid for me to go on retreat for three days. Just like that, she bathed my tiredness, my hold-it-togetherness, and said, “Here is my love and the love of the Beloved. Go, my sister, and find rest.” And she sent me to money to go. It was like a drink of water after many desert days. But the problem was, I needed money to pay my bills, not go on retreat. I needed to pay bills in that moment… not delight in getting away a month down the road. But she had offered me a gift, and I knew that I needed to honor her giving. So, I paid my bills with the money that came, and promised myself and trusted God that I would go on the retreat still… somehow, some way.
I am now home from three rich, soaking days on retreat. The way was made clear, and I still have a nickel in my pocket. But more than that, this experience is teaching me (again) how important it is to follow the tiny threads, to honor the gifts that are here, to trust…to absolutely trust in the power of goodness. The power of goodness. I cannot say that enough. There is power in goodness. And what happens when we begin to trust our own goodness? What happens when we begin to reconnect with the Heavenly Divine that lives in our own bones? My retreat took me here. It silenced the self doubt. It took the tense and stress away that is born of living a life from without rather than a life that swirls from deep within. It held up to me a mirror that revealed my own face that is created in the Image of Love and Goodness.
What do you truly know about yourself? How do you honor your deepest truths? Do you trust yourself and your God enough to live your truths? This is the most wondrous teaching in my life right now. It isn’t necessarily an easy journey, but it is awake and alive and pulsing in color and fragrance. I fall down and I get up over and over and over again because this is the life God yearns for me to live. It is the life God prays for all of us to live… to wander in our souls, to embrace the most tender artistry of our creation, and to bless the world with this being. There is no rushing in this process and one must find time apart from the busy world to shake hands with this. We must cast out fear even as our boats surge below the surface of the sea.
For three days, I roamed the crevices of my soul and was surrounded by kindred doing the same. I wandered the ancient forest. I prayed. I breathed. I listened into my own dreaming, dreaming that echoes the longings of our tired, beautiful world. And I let go and let fall away that which will never be eternal, to find my cheeks wet and my heart clear for my life’s calling.
I cannot tell you how to find your way. I can simply tell you that there is a path and it is windingly found by
taking the next loving step and the next loving step. Hummingbirds sip lavender nectar all along the way, and neither the hummingbirds nor the lavender need be anything more than who they are. Someone once said, “Truth is met by grace.” This is how we are born. This is how we will die. And so, in the meantime, may it also be how we choose to live.
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