The other day I was taking a walk after work, trying to be healthy in mind, body, and spirit.  As I walked I carried in my pocket my phone.  I had been waiting all day, along with my family, for test results for one I love.  I didn’t want to miss the call.  It is hard to carry worries.  It is hard to carry worries and go about life in a normal fashion, thus the walk.
 
In my little life, more and more I am aware of the hardships people face.  And daily, I seek to open my heart to people and pray for them and love them as best I can. But while I was walking, I had a reaction to a stranger that was startling.  In the midst of my own concerns, I try not to be self centered. I try to be present to others, to be gracious, and loving and kind.  And so… as a woman pulled into her driveway and got out of her car, I spoke to her in that simple… hi, how are you kind of way.  And she ignored me.  She looked at me, she heard me, but then she ignored me.  And just like that… I wanted to hum the phone in my pocket at her!  I wanted to hit her in the head with my phone and say… I’m talking to you… I’m sad and bothered and lonely and tired… but I’m talking to you… and you need to be nice back!
 
Sometimes, I just want to lose it and lose it big. I want to grab people by their shirts and say, “Wake up!” 
I want to say, “Nobody benefits from you acting like a jerk!”  I want to say,“STOP!!!  You
have got to get your act together!!” I mean, really!  How does it help the world to be so lost, so bothered, so tired and lonely that… oh… right…that was me wanting to knock some sense into someone’s head.  That was me about to be the jerk.  That was me about to give up my pacifism and peace-making stance.

So, I guess this was a reality check.  Maybe the woman getting out of her car had nothing nice to say and so she
chose the kindest thing and said nothing.  Maybe she got the bad news on the way home from work. Maybe she was heading home to a husband who would be mad that she was late and no dinner on the table.  Maybe she was deaf and didn’t hear a word I said.  I don’t know.  I do know that I can get easily frustrated with a variety of people who seem so rude and ruthless and uncaring.  I get really perturbed with people who get happy by making others miserable.  But then I am reminded that I have that capability as well, and I am the one who best be about the work of mindfulness and soul-care.

It’s not easy being human.  We’ve all got so much to figure out, to carry, to integrate. But we all have beating hearts, too, and we ultimately each long to be seen and understood and loved.  Maybe if we can try to remember that… and maybe if we can keep looking into the eyes of those we want to shake… and maybe if we can dig down deep into the troubled marrow of our own souls… we can evoke the turning of a new tide.
 
I pray tonight by the light of the moon and the starry, starry skies for our humanity to unfold our divinity… right before our very eyes.

Today is a day of space, and I am saying, “Thank You, God!”  So many folks thrive on busy, and surely our culture teaches this… perpetuates this. We are all reminded daily to be productive, to do it all, and to be all…
to ourselves and everyone else.  We are expected to rise before dawn, throw on our sweats and exercise it out,
shower and dress and arrive at work not so much on time… but early.  Then the more we cram into our workday, the louder we are applauded.  Work through your lunch break (if you even have one), stay late for meetings and report writing, then head home.  But you won’t be encouraged to linger there because the kids will have games or the church will have choir practice.  And before you go to sleep so you may repeat this experience… you should pay your bills and do the laundry and at least load the dishwasher. And don’t forget to meditate, send a birthday card, and brush your teeth.

But today, I was granted a reprieve.Today, the birds woke me up… not the alarm clock. I made breakfast and savored the delights of eggs with lavender.  Jewel sings as I write and the snowfall hushes every utterance of “you should do this.” And I know already that I am better. My soul does not thrive on overload. My ability to give is not replenished by giving in a thousand directions.  My love of being present to every moment and appreciating the blessings that show up without requirements or paperwork… are not enhanced when I am tired and spent. 
They just grow covered over.

And so today, I find myself again, and my fervent love of this life.  I realize that I always love life… but today it’s like I’ve found my glasses again. Life is crisp and hopeful and I know that I can hear God more clearly and follow in closer measures my calling.
 
We don’t need more.  We need less.  We need to peel back to basic pleasures and basic openness.  When will society realize that days like today make us better workers, more productive public servants, more ready to step up and offer our brightest selves?  I hear stories that make me shake my head…oh, yeah, and I’ve lived many of these stories. You know them, too.  The latest one came last night as a friend called to tell me that his office is instituting a ‘no personal calls or texting’ rule.  There will be big consequences, big consequences if you are caught during the work day comforting your daughter when she calls to tell you she misses you. There will be big, big consequences if you are caught discussing family medical concerns that have arisen from the latest doctor’s visit.  And if you, yourself need to make an appointment in an office that is only open during your working hours… oh, well.  Which consequence are you most willing to suffer?

I find it sad and disturbing how we are expected to separate ourselves out from our ‘working’ selves and our personal selves. I thought it was a mental health issue to have multiple personalities!  We aren’t more productive when we are ruled by rules that are not humane. When we are ever asked, or required, to be less than who we are… I find it amazing that people are baffled by stress!

We all know, after years of seeking employment, that I am grateful for my job.  This isn’t about that.  This
is about remembering to stay connected to what keeps our souls alive.  This is about honoring our bodies when
they grow tired, of feeding our brains with what fills our hearts.  This is about grasping quiet close, of celebrating breath and color and bodies that can move and dance and hug.  This is about stepping into space, when it comes and when it most needs to come, and allowing the wondrous mysteries of life to entice us to notice that we are created for love and for joy.
 
And don’t get me wrong about that statement, either.  There is stinky, stinky poo everywhere.  Not a day goes by
that our hearts aren’t broken over something.  People I love are so burdened.  People I meet at the gas station and the grocery store rarely look happy.  Even at church… people show the strains of life on the edges of their
faces.  And when you have a giver’s heart… you just want to fix it all, wrap it all up with love and care… and see
the world brighten. And so what I am trying to say is that life is broken and glorious.  We’ve got it all, folks. 
So, let’s come at the gore, not attempt to sweep it under the rug, but come at it full force with our grounded selves and say… I will be your friend, too, and I will show you a space where you can rest.  If all we’ve got are absurd rules and stressed out souls… we ain’t got much to go on.
 
I’m getting up from this computer now.  What’s going to feed me today?  Sending Valentine’s Day cards to people
I love.  Listening to music that brings me to my feet. Retirement home visits. Breadcrumbs for the ducks down by the river.  Camera in hand and walks in the snow.  Prayer. Anne Lamott’s new book. And quiet in my pajamas.

I wish I could tell you how precious it is to hold all the hurt in this way.  To meet stress and craziness and heartache and overwhelm close to our hearts as we tend our hearts… it’s the strongest way I know to honor my God and the life I’ve been given.  I pray you find your space, your little ledge of quiet and beauty… and step into your soul trusting the goodness in letting go and holding close.  Be well, dear ones.  Be well.