“He drew a circle that shut me out… heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.  But love and I had the wit to win.  We drew a circle that took him in.”  That is a quotation by Edwin Markham, and I memorized it as a young girl.  It’s one of those quotations that is inscribed upon my heart. I have always believed in the wideness and wisdom of love. 
Pure love. It’s the love that flows from the Divine Source and takes our breath away because it rises above and filters through our human flesh and blood.  When we bump into that kind of love, when the veil is lifted and we can recognize such… we come to life.  Indeed, we find ourselves returning to the celebration we thought had
long since passed.
 
Last night I began reading Mark Nepo’s book FINDING THE COURAGE (2007). In his introduction he writes these wondrous words: “The word courage comes from the Latin cor, which literally means heart.  The original use of the word courage means to stand by one’s core.  This striking concept that reinforces the belief found in almost all traditions that living from the Center is what enables us to face whatever life has to offer.”  He goes on to say that to sustain the practice of living from our core is to live out of our courage.  Does this concept thrill you as much as
it thrills me?  Oh, my!
 
So often, courage is portrayed as power and might. It is portrayed as big, fat muscles that level the bullies and the tyrants.  It is revered as the attribute that raises up the underdog and slays the dragon.  But when we come to the deeper knowledge that courage is actually tied to the heart, tied to the Center of all that is good…it takes on a revolutionary new meaning. I think this is what Markham meant, too. Courage is about linking arms with love and growing wise enough to know that everyone is working hard to figure out how to live into their core.  Lots of times, they are drowning by way of this world’s overwhelm.  Many times the wounds inflicted upon them bothers (who are also wounded) leave scar tissue so thick it is impossible to imagine life full and free and healed.  So they bash the heads of others.  They cut them to the quick with demeaning words, by cold walls and barbed boundaries. They knock down others so they can rise up tall.
 
Oh, yeah, and then, there’s Jesus reminding us to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us.  And Buddha and the Virgin Mary and the Dali Lama and Mother Teresa and Martin Luther King and Mahatma Ghandi and Helen Keller… didn’t they all say similar words?  And didn’t they all serve the world via theircor? 
   
But here’s the thing.  I want to do this.  I practice.  I pray. I listen deeply to the purest voice inside of me and daily open my being to walking the paths of courage.  And yet…many times when I get knocked down by one flexing their muscles, I feel really small.  I buy into their words and their might, and I feel less.  I question my worth, my purpose, my own goodness.  I sometimes think I might as well stay in the dirt, because who I am is not what the world claims to need.  I lose my courage in every way.  I have zero interest in drawing a wider circle.  As a matter of fact, what I would most appreciate in those moments is for the person wounding me to just vanish.  Poof!  And my oppression ends, right?  Uhh… maybe, but maybe not.
 
Maybe the wider circle is for me to draw around my own heart.  Maybe the courage is not so much to combat those around me, but to embrace more and more the person I am created to be so I can love others in truer ways.  Maybe this is the wit Markham says leads to winning.
 
One more truth?  I don’t like praying for my oppressors.  I don’t want to pray for the people who hurt those I love.  I don’t want a happy party for the people who condemn my light.  I want them to be humbled.  I want them to get a taste of their own medicine.  I want to have my own powerful words that make their eyes pop wide and leave them speechless.  I want them to realize the despair they cause others.  Pretty ugly… my truth.
 
So, what I am hoping today is that I can become more courageous… which for me means…more tender, more innocent, more playful, more poetic, more aware, more patient, more loving.  As I live into my own heart, maybe I will slowly live into the hearts of those I wish would vanish.  
 
By the way, today is Valentine’s Day… and if I could wish you something in addition to love…
I wish you courage.

I’m just back from a snowy walk.  I was the only one outside, and except for the occasional barking dog or chirping bird, it was really quiet.  I was warm enough, but my cheeks were cold, and I liked that. I always
say that the cold makes us feel alive… more alive.  We pay attention to our bodies and our breath.  We hold ourselves close.  We notice our red fingers or our chilled cheeks.  We might pay no attention whatsoever to
cheeks and fingers any other day… but the cold says, “Look!  Feel! Come to attention!”
 
And so walks in the snow are a favorite of mine, and walks, in general stir my thoughts and creativity… not to mention the delightful aspect that God always shows up.  And this morning, as I tried to let go of my own thinking and traps, as I tried to be present to pavement and nature, I heard God say, “What are you living for, Kathy?”  And so… that became the meditation as I walked.  “What am I living for?  Why is it that I live?”
 
Yesterday, my daughter called me as she had been working on that earthly exercise called ‘doing our taxes.’  She works hard.  She is conscientious and diligent about being responsible with the small earnings she makes. So why, she asked, was it coming out that she must pay a butt-load of taxes?  That came to my mind as I walked.  We’re all here working to have money so we can be responsible and take care of ourselves.  We are working so hard so we can have a car and a house and clothes and food and lots of things.  Is this what we are living for?  It feels rather much like a snake eating its tail.  So many times I just wonder who set this system up?  We work to live and live to work.  And, by the way, who decided that football players should earn more for their time and efforts than teachers or nurses?  Sheesh!  But I digress…
 
What am I living for?  Why is it that I live?  Last week-end, my daughter and I travelled out of state to attend the funeral of a dear young woman.  We came to know her through an annual summer-time gathering of kindred souls.  This annual event focuses all who come on the topics we yearn to envelope… peace, artistry, nature, love, and each other.  It has always been a place where we carve out the time to be reminded of the living God in each of us.  Our children have grown up there… in the cup of nurturance, nature, story and song.  And now we bury one of these.  Just like that… she is gone… and on any given day… we may be shocked and saddened to say another good-bye to another loved one who is remembered as being so full of life.   Each day is just this tender and ripe with what is often so unexpected.
 
Additionally what came to mind in the morning cold, is that we are all trying to live into our own gold.  We are trying to pan our way deep down into our truths and beauty to honor the world with our purest gifts.  We bend and sift and bend and sift and often feel like we are coming up empty handed.  But there are times when suddenly we see it, that small sparkle of light that reflects our souls and we see who we are through the lens of the Divine.  We see, and we know, and we begin to trust enough to let the rest fall away.  It is back-breaking
work.  It takes an enormous amount of energy and creativity to allow that nugget to be seen and known.  The world may not yet recognize the need for such work.  The world may deem this very work as futile and selfish. 
Wealth, power, and prestige will continue to be the strongholds among humankind that dissuade the clearer truths.  But the true reasons to live are rising, my friends.  They are whispering to souls hungering to hear, and I believe our hunger will lead to wholeness and life.
 
As I came around the bend and started toward home, I began to realize what I live for.  I live for me… for my truth, for my God, for love that is open and compassionate and wise.  I live to bring honor to the fact that I am here… with purpose, with a good heart and a thankful soul… and those attributes matter in this world of taxes and brutality and competition.  We buried one of our own lights last week-end, and we’ve got to show up or we’ll just keep burying more.  We’ve got to show up to ourselves so we can cast light and hope.  Don’t let anyone sell you short.  Don’t let anyone distract you with that which dims your light. Don’t accept the notion that you, in any
way, are less than glorious.  When you realize your own merit, your own amazing way of being in this world… a shift occurs and the people of the world have a new chance to flourish. 
One by one, God is asking…
 
What are you living for?  Why do you live?